Virtual Teachers’ First Week Survival Guide: Coffee, Chaos, and the Coveted Work Mullet
The Virtual Vibe: Success and Sanity for the Online Teacher
August 4, 2025
If you think teaching online means logging into Zoom in your pajamas while sipping coffee and basking in quiet bliss, bless your heart. The reality of week one is more like a caffeine-fueled sprint through a digital warzone. Expect inbox explosions, relentless phone calls, and bribing your tiny humans into silence before your sanity evaporates.
Emails Everywhere!
Your inbox feels like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole, with emails popping up faster than you can smash the “mark as read” button. “Quick question,” “urgent tech issue,” “I can’t find the link”—they flood in before you’ve even had a sip of your first coffee. Here’s a little secret: you don’t have to respond to every email the second it arrives. If you tried, you’d lose your mind in record time. Use your email’s filtering magic. Set up rules to tame the chaos and send non-urgent messages to a “read later” folder. This way, you only deal with what really needs your attention now, and the rest waits until you’re actually ready to adult.
Pro Tip #1: Set aside specific “email zones” during your day, like 30 minutes mid-morning and 30 minutes mid-afternoon. Responding to every ring, ding, and ping will have you wanting to tap out before lunch.
The Phone: Your New Arch-Nemesis
Then there’s the phone. Oh, the phone. It rings and rings and rings as if you accidentally signed up for a 24/7 tech support hotline. You pick up hoping for a quick question but end up walking someone through resetting their password for twenty minutes. By the end of the day, your voice sounds raspy and tired, like a heavy smoker reconsidering life choices.
Here’s a sanity-saving tip. Switch up your ringtone every few weeks. Hearing the same tune blast through your headphones day after day leads to ringtone PTSD, a real phenomenon where your brain starts to dread that familiar ding before the call even comes through. Changing it regularly keeps your nerves fresh and your sanity intact.
Pro Tip #2: Change your phone’s ringtone to something soothing or ridiculous—and change it often. Trust me, your future self will thank you.
The Kid-Bribery Chronicles
If you’re lucky or unlucky enough to have small humans underfoot, week one demands the sacred art of bribery. Time to haul out the “stacks,” your secret stash of snacks, toys, and screens, to keep those tiny tornadoes from turning your calls into a circus. “If you’re quiet for five minutes, you get an extra 10 minutes of tablet time!” Spoiler alert: five minutes might as well be an eternity.
Pro Tip #3: Create a “quiet box” filled with special activities or treats that are only unlocked during your busiest virtual hours. It’s like a secret weapon for peace and quiet.
Honey, You Forgot to Shower
Somewhere between the first call and the tenth email, your spouse or maybe the dog reminds you that you haven’t showered yet. No shower yet? Yep, that happened. Between juggling schedules, tech glitches, and Zoom marathons, showering might feel like a luxury. Still, taking even a few minutes to step away and care for yourself can work wonders—not just for hygiene but for sanity. Sometimes a quick pause is exactly what you need to reset and keep going.
Pro Tip #4: Schedule mini self-care breaks, even if it’s just a minute to stretch, breathe, or splash water on your face. It’s a reset button for your brain.
The Work Mullet: Business Up Top, Party Below
And yes, the iconic work mullet is alive and well. Dressy top? Check. Zoom-ready. Pajama pants? Double check. Why waste time changing when no one below the camera can see? Bonus points if you pair that with fuzzy slippers and a coffee cup that screams, “Don’t talk to me before my third cup.” Comfort and efficiency all in one.
Caffeine: The Real MVP
Week one requires the stamina of a college kid at the club—minus the dancing, plus an endless supply of caffeine. You’ll be sipping that magical elixir like it’s the nectar of the gods, chasing it down to power through the chaos, one exhausted click at a time.
Keeping Your Sanity (or Pretending To)
Here’s the real deal. By midweek, my patience is thinner than my menopausal hairline on a bad day, which means it’s basically a disappearing act. When that impatient parent emails demanding answers yesterday, my fingers want to do a full-on middle finger salute across the keyboard. But nope, I’m a professional (or at least I pretend to be). So I take a deep breath, count to ten or twenty, and hit pause before responding. Sometimes, I even have a trusted colleague read my response before I hit send because a second set of eyes can save you from saying something you’ll regret.
Delaying replies has become my new BFF. Snarky thoughts? Journaling material only.
And here’s a little truth bomb: you’re not alone in this madness. Check in on your fellow virtual warriors. Shoot a quick “You got this!” or commiserate over a coffee (or three). Because in this wild, pajama-clad battlefield, we’re all in it together, even if our hairlines and sanity are taking hits.
So, virtual teachers, if you’re staring down the first week with wide eyes and a half-empty coffee cup, remember this: you’re not just teaching; you’re multitasking ninja warriors, caffeine-fueled superheroes, and masters of the work mullet. Slap on that business-up-top party-below look, refill your mug, and buckle up. Week one is going to be a wild, messy, glorious ride.
Pause, Ponder & Progress
How will you create boundaries to protect your sanity during those inbox and phone call storms?
What’s your secret weapon for bribing the tiny tornadoes into silence?
How can you lean on your colleagues to remind you that you’re not alone in the chaos?
What’s your personal ritual to reset and recharge when the coffee runs dry but the chaos doesn’t?
About the Author
With over 20 years in education - most of them spent in the virtual trenches - Desire’ Mosser has done more than survive online teaching; she’s helped others thrive in it! As the author of SOS: Strategies for Online Survival, she dishes out practical tools, honest lessons, and just the right amount of humor to keep educators going.
Former Pasco eSchool Teacher of the Year and Florida Virtual Schools Mentor of the Year, she continues to champion excellence in virtual learning today. She currently serves as Vice President of B.O.L.D. (Blended Online Learning Discovery of Florida). Her passion? Coaching educators to find their stride, build meaningful connections with students and families, and master the art of scheduling for sanity—preferably with a strong cup of coffee in hand. For more real talk, useful tips, and the occasional caffeine-fueled confession, connect with her on LinkedIn.
