Oops… Did I Sound Like a Jerk? How to Stop Sending Snarky Emails Without Losing Your Mind
The Virtual Vibe: Success and Sanity for the Online Teacher
February 16, 2026
We’ve all been there. You open an email, your blood pressure spikes, your eye twitches, and your inner sarcastic voice screams, “FFS, I already answered this!” Even the nicest people on the planet can have fleeting “ahole thoughts” when frustrations hit. They are human, normal, and inevitable. The key is not to suppress them. It is to harness them before hitting send.
Your inbox is rarely the right place to vent, judge, or throw shade disguised as “helpful” reminders. Sometimes a quick call or video chat is the smarter move, especially when tone could be misread and escalate frustration. Nobody is perfect. We have all sent an email that accidentally read as snarky, but with awareness, reflection, and a few strategic tweaks, you can maintain professionalism, collaboration, and your sanity.
Certain phrases are notorious for triggering judgmental vibes, even when you think you are being helpful:
“Per my last email” translates to “I am irritated that you did not read my last message.”
“Just checking” translates to “Why have you not done this yet?”
“I’m sure you already know this, but” translates to “Do you even know what you are doing?”
Using all caps translates to “I am yelling at you through your screen!”
Multiple exclamation points translates to “I am overly excited and kind of annoyed.”
What feels like a simple reminder to you can read like judgment to the recipient. That is why taking a moment to reframe your thoughts can make all the difference. If you feel your inner jerk rising, it is often smarter to walk away, step away from the screen, and return later with a fresh perspective.
Full disclosure: I am not sure if the examples below reveal my inner jerk, or if this is just how everyone’s brain works when they are tired, frustrated, or staring at their inbox at 4:59 PM. Either way, proceed with caution and a sense of humor. Some of the phrases are pure satire. For anyone who doesn’t know me, I swear I’m not constantly sending emails filled with snark (well, not always). However, they might always include a cat meme.
The Ultimate Snarky Email Cheat Sheet
Replace Emotion with Clarity
Because yes, your brain wants to scream, but your inbox does not.
What You Might Want To Type
FFS, I already answered this!
OMG, are we seriously still on this?
This is painfully obvious, why are we even doing this?
Did you even read my last email?
Growth-Minded Alternative
Just following up to see if you got my previous message.
Hi, I wanted to check in to make sure we are aligned on next steps.
For reference, here is a quick overview to keep everyone on the same page.
I wanted to make sure my last message did not get buried — here is a quick recap.
Focus on Solutions, Not Blame
Throwing blame is satisfying for about 2.5 seconds.
What You Might Want To Type
WOW, way to completely drop the ball!
How did you even get hired for this?
Are you kidding me right now?
Growth-Minded Alternative
I noticed some missing elements and would like to review them with you.
I would love to provide some guidance to help with this task.
I would like to clarify a few points to ensure we are aligned.
Encourage Understanding and Alignment
We all secretly want everyone to just get along.
What You Might Want To Type
Seriously, this is a dumpster fire!
Do I have to babysit you through this?
You clearly have no idea what you are doing!
Growth-Minded Alternative
Let us review the plan together to make sure nothing gets missed.
Here is a step-by-step outline to help make this process easier.
Here is some additional context that may be helpful.
Lead with Patience and Perspective
Losing it will not actually make it better.
What You Might Want To Type
I cannot believe I have to explain this AGAIN!
This is so obvious it hurts my brain.
You are making this way harder than it needs to be.
Growth-Minded Alternative
For clarity, here is a recap of the key points.
Here is a quick reminder of the main points.
Let us simplify the steps to make it easier for everyone.
Pro Tip:
If a message is emotional, confusing, or likely to be misread, consider calling instead of emailing. A quick phone or video chat can prevent misunderstandings, save time, and reduce frustration for everyone involved.
Professional communication is not about suppressing frustration. It is about channeling it into clarity, empathy, and collaboration. Even if your inner voice is screaming, taking a moment to harness strong emotions before hitting send ensures that workplace interactions are effective, respectful, and solution-oriented. Your inbox can still be a safe space, even if your inner jerk is plotting. Sometimes the best response is to walk away and come back later with a cooler head. By being mindful and making small adjustments, we can dramatically reduce snarky email moments, foster more productive interactions, and maintain strong professional relationships.
Reflection Activity: Put Yourself in the Inbox
Before you hit send on your next email, take a few minutes to reflect on your habits and patterns. Answering these questions honestly will help you spot opportunities to communicate more clearly, professionally, and collaboratively:
Think about the last email you sent that may have been read as snarky or frustrated. How could you have rewritten it using the strategies in this blog?
Which of the “What You Might Want To Type” phrases feel most familiar to your own internal frustrations? Are there recurring patterns you notice in your emails?
How often do you respond to emails while your emotions are high? Which techniques from the blog, such as pausing, reading aloud, or calling instead of emailing, could help you prevent misunderstandings?
Do your emails tend to focus on blame or solutions? Identify one recent email and consider how you could reframe it using growth-minded alternatives.
Put yourself in the recipient’s shoes. How might your last few emails have read to them? What small changes could make your communication more clear, collaborative, and professional while keeping your voice?
Tip: Take a few notes for yourself and consider keeping a “pre-send checklist” to catch reactive language before it goes out. Take a moment to catch reactive language before it goes out. Over time, these small adjustments can transform your email habits and your professional relationships.
About the Author
With over 20 years in education - most of them spent in the virtual trenches - Desire’ Mosser has done more than survive online teaching; she’s helped others thrive in it! As the author of SOS: Strategies for Online Survival, she dishes out practical tools, honest lessons, and just the right amount of humor to keep educators going.
Former Pasco eSchool Teacher of the Year and Florida Virtual Schools Mentor of the Year, she continues to champion excellence in virtual learning today. She currently serves as Vice President of B.O.L.D. (Blended Online Learning Discovery of Florida). Her passion? Coaching educators to find their stride, build meaningful connections with students and families, and master the art of scheduling for sanity—preferably with a strong cup of coffee in hand. For more real talk, useful tips, and the occasional caffeine-fueled confession, connect with her on LinkedIn.
